but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
