Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
