i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
