our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
