Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
