i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
We're using joints as your birthday candles
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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