Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
