WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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