i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
