even my farts smell like vagina
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
