no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
