look no pants
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
40s are totally the cure
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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