i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
