we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
this just has baby written all over it
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
