I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
