Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
