the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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