In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
