I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
