I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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