Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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