You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
