we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
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