I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
