the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
