the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize