I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
