I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
