Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
