We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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