Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
