maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
you didnt know i had herpes?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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