you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
