The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
