i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Randomize
