just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Randomize
