this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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