He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize