I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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