i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
sex in a hospital.. check
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
