When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
