If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
