So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
