i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
