You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize