So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
