she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
