Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
