i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
