Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
