last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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