Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
