Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
