I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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