The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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