I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
this boner is exhausting
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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