i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I didn't notice because vodka
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
