wrigley field is MILF paradise
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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