What a fucking waste of an outfit
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
