You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
