she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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