I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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