so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
