I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
