Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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