worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
