I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
