So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
