Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
this boner is exhausting
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
