ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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