i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
