Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize