the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
