I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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