hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize