I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
