Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
