saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
