Pants 0. Shit 1.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
