cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
