What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
