I'm sorry my penis didn't work
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
