no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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