I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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