I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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