I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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