If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
