My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
You've changed since you got that strap on
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
