3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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