im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
