recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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