Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
