I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
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