so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
You are a booty call, not a friend.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
