This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
