grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
