I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
