i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
