So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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