dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
