i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Vodka?
Forever.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize