Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
